Are you mature?
It irks me whenever someone says, “I’m mature” or “[someone else is] immature”. I think it’s because the minute you tell me you are mature or more mature than another person, it immediately makes me think you are the opposite.
It’s one of those things you’re not supposed to say about yourself because it makes it kinda untrue if you do. Does that make sense? It’s like telling people you are humble and modest. The second you say it, you don’t seem that humble or modest at all. Someone else saying you are mature gives off a very different feeling and connotation than you saying you are mature.
To argue this point, I suppose I first have to define what maturity is. Maturity is a lot of things and I don’t think it’s about paying your bills on time or living on your own. It’s not about partying less.
Maturity is when you’re able to apologize for being wrong, to let go of someone, to understand someone else’s point of view without getting defensive. Maturity can also mean being silly and yourself because that’s just who you are. In my opinion, maturity is all about being open minded.
This is why I don’t think you are that mature when you label yourself as mature. It is similar to how I see intelligent people – the more intelligent you are, the more you realize you don’t know anything. The more mature you are, the more you realize you are not better than anyone else.
That’s what saying you are mature feels like. It feels like you are saying you are better than everyone else. Everyone else is immature and you are mature, therefore you are above them. It sounds pretentious and makes me cringe.
Sometimes, we categorize people as immature because we never seem to go into any depth with them. Every time you talk to them, you only talk about shallow topics.
Having met many different types of people going through different things, I realize this is so untrue. Every single person you meet is capable of having and thinking and talking about deep topics- to ponder about their existence, to have insights on death and love and life. It’s only a matter of whether or not your relationship with them opens up these conversations. Maybe it’s not about the other person being “not mature enough” to talk about these things. Maybe they just don’t feel that close or comfortable you. Maybe it’s about you and not them.
I ask for all of you to really try to understand and know who you are talking to before you deem someone mature or immature. We are all so complicated with different emotions and experiences. We have so many layers and just because we can’t see through all these layers initially does not mean they are not there.
We are all living. We all have painful experiences and insecurities. We are all capable of forgiving others and ourselves and to grow to be a kinder and happier person. I believe a truly mature person knows this without having to say it.
Sincerely, Loewe