Damn, now we’re old
There seems to be a rumbling upon us. It’s coming closer and faster… you blink and holy shit what happened? You are now old and your back hurts. You get excited about seat cushions and your Dyson vacuum cleaner. You understand toilets don’t magically stay clean, they need to be cleaned… by you.
If you’re currently single (or “self partnered” – Hermione Granger), you think you should have met the love of your life 6 years ago. If you’re not single, you should have gotten engaged 4 years ago. If you’re married, you should have had kids 2 years ago. Everything is happening too late and now you’re too old and you’re always tired.
Suddenly you understand what a mortgage is and you actually have investments under your name. You pay your own car insurance and in fact, you have all types of insurance – fire, life, mortgage, term, pet – insurance is key because death doesn’t seem all that far off anymore.
Nowadays, you meal prep and for some reason, vegetables taste good. Sometimes, you even order a salad at a restaurant. Maybe you even add some lemon to your water, thinking this will fix your body somehow. You think about pouring all your cereal out of the box and into pretty mason jars instead because this looks like you have your life together. Your plants are alive, your pet is alive, and you are alive with clean underwear every day of the week.
Going to the club or a bar suddenly seems like too much work. Forget about public transit – who takes that nowadays? Hangovers are real and they are terrible. You also may have experienced heartburn for the first time in your life.
You like to spend your weekend nights watching TV and eventually falling asleep on your sofa. If you’re really feeling up to it, a night at Costco sounds equally pleasing. If you’re feeling fancy, you might invite some friends over for board games or wine and have cheese displayed on cutting boards. Some days you wonder what kind of cheese you would be.
You think, ah… this is adulting and I’m doing an ok job.
Sincerely, Loewe