From the 2019 me

2019 has been a great year for me. In a sickening sweet way, my days have passed seemingly quicker.

What are some big lessons from this year? I learned more about the importance of health, like how my bones can actually break and how long it takes just to get back to where I was before. I learned how to make the biggest purchase of my life. But I think the biggest lesson is that I learned how to be a better partner for the person I love.

I say “a better partner for the person I love” instead of simply “a better partner” because I think it’s different depending on who your partner is. For example, you may have a partner who appreciates it when you give them space and time alone – that is something they want to receive from you. Or perhaps your partner is the opposite and likes it when you spend more time with them.

Each person is different and what we are looking for in a partner is also different. This doesn’t mean one of you is right or wrong, it just means you are different. Like in the previous example, there is nothing wrong with wanting some time alone. Conversely, there is also nothing wrong with spending time with someone. I think a big part of a healthy relationship is figuring out these differences and respecting each other’s preferences, as well as accommodating to those, even if it’s not our own preference.

To me, relationships always seemed to look nice on the outside, but I never knew exactly what it was like inside. Push aside all the happiness, fluffiness, hugs and kisses and what lies underneath all that?

Work.

There – I said it. I think relationships are about work. You work to make each other happy. You work to be there even if you are tired, to listen even when you want to talk. You work together to get through changes, different life stages and arguments. You work to understand each other, to learn how to cheer each other up, to give each other what you need.

Relationships can be hard work and the only reason why it doesn’t feel like work is because we like the other person so much. Their happiness makes us happy.

You know how there are people who date the same person for 7 years or something crazy like that? Yeah, I’m not that person. Love and relationships are generally new to me.

I don’t think I was the best partner in the past. I think there were many moments where I was simply selfish, not understanding or empathetic. I always expected my partner to be there for me, to understand me. But in retrospect, I wonder how many times I truly understood them.

As the 2019 Loewe, I want to say relationships are not always what they look like on the outside. There is work behind a long-term strong and happy relationship. There is understanding and patience. And if you find a person who is willing to “work” for you, then you should be willing to “work” for them too.

Love is such a strange and scary thing. Everyone is afraid of getting hurt, of people leaving. Yet still, everyone wants it and is searching for it – this means it must be worth something, right? It’s worth all this fear and uncertainty and work?

I, too, am afraid of getting hurt. Even on the best of days when I am feeling loved, even if my partner is amazing and reassuring, a little part of me wonders if everything will fall apart. What will I do then?

All I can do is what is within my control, and that is to be the best partner I can be to the person I love. I am clumsy and not experienced at this, but this year has shown me that I can do it. I can love someone and I can be happy and I can make someone else happy. Together we are both learning how to do this.

I hope all of us find the best partner for us. As always, in case no one has told you this at all this year: I am glad you’re here.

Sincerely, Loewe