From the 2021 me

2021 for the most part, has felt like an extension from last year. We are still trying to navigate the new normal and trying to find time to be with the people we love safely. In some ways, it’s pretty crazy how the world has changed and we are now just used to it.

What are some big lessons from this year? I feel like it’s been a very retrospective year for me. Things have happened that made me remember an older version of me and an older version of the people I know. I see how much we have all grown in good and bad ways.

I remember the old me, who was afraid of love and getting hurt.

I didn’t date anyone for a long time because I was so scared of getting hurt. I tried to stay in control with anyone who was remotely romantically interested in me. My ex-boyfriend broke my heart (as many ex-boyfriends do lol) and it took me a long time to be able to feel good about myself and be open to love again, but the current me is a happy and confident partner. I feel like I have truly moved onto better and happier things and I can genuinely say I wish the best for anyone who has hurt me in the past. For a long time, I felt like I would be stuck where I was left.

I remember the old me, who was just so sad. Always so sad. And never felt like things would get better.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who was feeling just like this. My friend was tired of being so sad all the time but didn’t know what to do to fix it. Things and hobbies that usually gave my friend joy and happiness, no longer did. It’s like being stuck in a dark hole. And you’re just there… stuck. It fucking sucks.

And I felt for my friend. I truly felt it. It was like I reached back to somewhere small and dark in my heart, a place I thought I had forgotten about but it was still there and still a part of me. I cried for my friend because I really don’t know if there’s anything you can do for anyone when someone is stuck there. You can only try.

I remember the old me who lost friends because she wasn’t empathetic or she wasn’t there.

I’ve learned that communication is so important to friendships and it’s never too late to apologize. I have hurt my friends by being selfish, by not being there when they needed me. I have friends who no longer wanted to be friends with me, but through conversations and understandings, we are slowly rekindling our relationship and I believe our relationship moving forward will be different and beautiful in its own ways.

I remember the old me who didn’t think I could do something.

There have been so many applications of this. Like after I broke my knee from snowboarding, I’ve had many frustrations going snowboarding after I was recovered. I was angry at myself for not being able to snowboard for as long as I used to. I felt embarrassed when my weaker leg gave out and I had to leave early. I felt pathetic because I wasn’t even that good before I hurt myself. But slowly I am beginning to find my old love for snowboarding. I am learning to take it easy and just have fun, and not try to be the person I was before.

I also never thought I could be a dog owner and actually take care of a living being. But here I am a proud dog mom and Tofu has given me and my family so much love and joy. He has taught me so much about patience and unconditional love.

As the 2021 Loewe, I want to say that I have changed a lot in the last few years and just like the world has been adjusting to the new normal, I have been adjusting to the new normal me. And looking back on it now, I am proud of who I am today and what I’ve been able to overcome personally, even if it doesn’t include a Nobel prize or a book or an award or anything monumental.

I encourage all my friends and readers to take a look at your self and be proud of whoever you are today, even if you don’t feel like you have anything to be proud of. Sometimes we don’t see the little changes and shifts we make in our selves because we are with our selves every single moment of our days, but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening. We are learning how to love our selves every day and as long as we give our selves time and understanding, I believe we can have everything we want. Just not all at once.

And as always, if nobody has told you this yet this year, I am glad you are here. Thank you for reading and thank you for being my friend.

Sincerely, Loewe