From the 2022 me
2022 has been one of the best years of my life. Thinking back on it, I feel like it is a year full of love.
What are some big lessons from this year?ย I learned how to nurture and grow positive relationships with other women, a feat that had always seemed daunting and futile. I learned how to give myself a break and let myself indulge. And maybe most importantly, I felt ready/good enough to commit myself to another person for the rest of my life.
In my early twenties, I struggled with managing female companionship. I lacked empathy and am insensitive. Often times, I am too blunt with the things I say. Many of my friendships with other women resulted in a series of unfortunate events and traits – passive aggressiveness, insecurities, and competition.
I’m not saying I had no part in contributing to these toxic types of friendships. I am guilty of being “that” girl – the girl who is like “oh girls are so mean” or “I am only friends with guys”. I just became like that. And I became like that because when I was friends with guys, I received positive energy from them. And when I was friends with girls, I felt exhausted. And slowly I became someone who was afraid of girls – someone who didn’t even want to put in the time or effort to know a girl.
The last few years, I’ve been working harder to become a better friend. To be a better listener, to be more sensitive, to be more supportive. I’ve put my energy into getting to know other women and I am happy to say that I now have lots of girls I would consider my good friends. I receive a lot of positive energy and fun talking and spending time with them, and I truly feel like they are happy for me when good things happen to me and vice versa. There is no sense of competition among us and I feel that we can be direct with each other if something is upsetting us.
I think this success is a mixture of different factors but time may be one of them. I find that all the girls I meet now are so nice and don’t let their insecurities steer them into being crazy. I think it’s because we’ve all grown up a little. And maybe it’s the person too. Some people just don’t click. And some people are just asses lol.
In my early twenties, I also struggled with finances. I was in school and working 2-3 part-time jobs. Now I’ve been working for almost 8 years and I find myself owning my own home, car and dog. I can buy luxury brands, order whatever I want from the menu, and plan my own vacations. But at the end of the day, I still had a little bit of anxiety over spending money. I am a saver, not a spender but truly what is the point of life if you don’t use that money to enjoy it.
This year I’ve been able to teach myself how to let go a little bit. Spend a little more on my gift to my friend, spend a little more to buy the better quality item, spend a little more to gain an experience. Don’t stress so much about how to save money or keep money, spend some time thinking about how to make more money. It has really changed my perspective on money and life. Money will come and go and I feel better equipped to handle these ups and downs because there is no joy in simply putting all my money into a bank account and watching the number go up.
In my early twenties, I also struggled with love. I wanted to be in a relationship but was too afraid to actually be in a relationship. I wanted a perfect partner, but I was not a good partner myself. I was single for a long time and always felt like something was missing but there was nothing I could do about it. I really thought maybe there was no one out there for me. I had plans to become the rich solo auntie in my family.
Now, I find myself engaged and in a very happy and stable relationship – one I have always dreamed of. Someone who is my best friend, someone who will take care of me, and someone who has helped me become a better version of myself. It is crazy to me that I have someone who I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. I literally thought I would die alone.
As the 2022 Loewe, I just want to say thank you so much to all my friends and family, to all the people who have given me and shown me love. Not just this year but every year we’ve known each other. This year has been wonderful because of everyone in it and I feel so lucky to have so many good people in my life. Every year we are getting older but we are growing older together and to me, that is a blessing.
I am glad to be here and I am glad you are here as well. I want to be with you all for a long time. Thanks for reading.
Sincerely, Loewe