Girls can be nice
I was recently introduced to a group of girl friends this fall and we had our first girlsโย night out this week. Thisย was my first โgirlsโ nightโ in over twoย years.
I was the youngest in the group, but I didnโt feel any age gaps during our conversations. It was just immensely nice to relax with easy-going and down-to-earth women who like their jobs and life in general. Good vibes all around!
At one point of the night, one of them started talking about my blog and how she enjoyed reading it. She said, โYou have a beautiful soulโ, to which I proceeded to cry โ surprising everyone, including me.
In my opinion, you donโt just say, โYou have a beautiful soulโ, on an everyday basis, let alone someone youโve only met a month ago. The statement itself overwhelmed me because it was such a kind thing to say and most importantly, I felt it was genuine.
The other thing that overwhelmed me was the very act of me crying. The voice inside my head was shaking her head, โShe said something nice โ why are you crying? Stop it.โ
And the thought that crept into my mind was: well, Iโm crying because Iโm thankful. And Iโm thankful because she said something kind. And that is special because other women have not been particularly kind to me.
This was my outlook: not everyone is going to like me. Not everyone is going to be kind to me and that is ok.
But I wonder if some kind of snowball effect brainwashed me into believing another outlook. Somewhere along the way, I started to expect other people โ women, especially โ to be unkind to me, and I just got used to it.
And thatโs the thing: I shouldnโt be used to it.
I shouldnโt be touched to the point of tears when another woman gives me a compliment that is deeper than โYour hair looks niceโ. I shouldnโt be freaking out about whether or not my outfit embarrasses or overshadows the rest of the group. I shouldnโt be nervous after being invited to a girlsโ night out. These are normal things โ things that happen to other girls every day. I donโt really know why I thought it wouldnโt happen to me, or why I told myself that was ok.
I am guilty of judging other women in the same ways they judge me, and I am sure that also plays a part in why I lack female companionship in my social circles. And while I still donโt fully expect other women to be automatically kind to me, I will stop expecting them to be unkind.
Because I am a good person, deserving of kindness from others.
And they can be a good person too, capable of sharing kindness.
A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it.
Zen Shin
It just blooms.
Sincerely, Loewe