Nobody cares you’re turning 26

Pretty sure after you turn 25 years old (when you’re like omg yay me), you get into that weird gray area where no one really cares about your birthday until you turn 29 and you start to freak out about entering your 30’s.

Well I turn 26 today and I can tell you I still can’t keep a plant alive. I can cook about 2.5 dishes that don’t include pasta as an ingredient and I now know more mothers than students.

A big part of growing up for me has been the realization that most adults have no idea what the hell they’re doing. But everyone tries their best and that’s all we can really expect from ourselves. In fact, I think we should be really proud of who we are today.

There are many more exciting things coming our way. I am excited to see us move out and live on our own. I am excited for us to travel and see more of the world. I am excited to celebrate weddings and housewarmings and baby showers and promotions and life’s greatest joys.

As I enter my mid-twenties, I do find myself fondly remembering my university days. They all seem to feel so youthful – studying for exams, going clubbing, being with friends. I still do many of the same things (except studying for exams, no thank you please) but things don’t feel the same.

Things don’t feel the same because we are not the same and I am glad for that. Nobody should be stagnant forever. We change and become different people. Sometimes we change into a better version of ourselves, other times we don’t. But as long as we continue to change, I believe we will eventually get to where we want to be.

Gradually, we will all have less time to spend with each other because we will have jobs, lovers, our own families and our own passions. I often hear the statement, “If someone wants to spend time with you, they will make time“. Although that rings true for the most part, I also believe we shouldn’t be so harsh on our expectations with others.

I count too heavily on birthdays, though I know I shouldn’t. Inevitably I begin to assess my life by them, figure out how I’m doing by how many people remember; it’s like the old fantasy of attending your own funeral: You get to see who your friends are, get to see who shows up. 

Lorrie Moore, Anagrams

Don’t do this ^

In an ideal world, we would all have enough time and energy to spend with every person we care about. But realistically, this is not the case. Our time and energy is dispersed into things and people we care about and as we grow older, the amount of people and things we care about can steadily increase. We can see that our time and energy – which doesn’t always grow proportionally to the amount of people and things we care about – simply cannot cover all of it.

To see this as “well that just means you don’t care about me anymore ok fine” is not a healthy or fair assessment of the situation. Effort needs to come from both sides, but generally I think a lot of us blame others for disappointing us but we don’t think too much about all the times we’ve disappointed someone else. You may think you have been the perfect friend and have always been there for someone, but no one is the perfect friend. No one else’s life is all about you except you.

So I am thankful to all my friends and family who choose to spend time with me to celebrate my birthday. I find that one’s time and good company are the best gifts one can give to somebody.

Perhaps the greatest gift any of my friends can give to me is to listen to my birthday wish and take better care of yourselves (i.e. make sure you are here next year too). If birthdays are meant to celebrate birth and therefore, celebrate life, then the real thing to celebrate today is not me but that I have all of you in my life.

Sincerely, Loewe